“PACKAGE DEAL”

 

 

   Many, many years ago I fell in love with a beautiful and wonderful woman who was divorced and had three children.  

 

     When we decided to get married we held a 'family conference' around the kitchen table.  I explained to the kids (all very young at that time) that we all knew I was not their "father" - and I had no desire to be such.  I explained that NEVER did I intend to hear the words "You are not my father and cannot tell me what to do."  I told them that I was going to be living with, married to, and sharing with - their MOM.  They could be a part of the "family", or not - it was up to them.

 

    They were to adhere to the rules of the household - in all ways - and so would I.  I stressed that they would be included in any serious financial situation which came up.  I told them I would always treat them with the respect they showed me they deserved, that I would never lie to them (or for them).  If they chose not to agree to these rules I would still marry their mom - and they could work around it.  I told them I would never use physical force to them - and I never did.  My voice is such that they often thought I would when I "got that tone".

 

    Those kids are all grown, with families of their own.  I am the grandfather of thirteen - and I am still "DAD" to my kids.  My wife and I worked together and would quietly discuss any major decision regarding the kids (unknown to them) - but to the children we presented a solid front at all times.  There was no opportunity for the kids to play us against each other - and any child will attempt to do so.  We cut short any attempt to use the "You

love him/her more than you do me" ploy - and it was tried repeatedly.

 

    I took a "package deal" and I honestly have never regretted it.  More importantly, neither has my wife and the children.  I never allowed myself to use the word 'step' in any conversation regarding the children - not with them, not to them, and not about them.  They were my kids - period.  It was left up to them to inject the word 'step' regarding me.  I admit it was used frequently for a few years.  The turmoil of being afraid to love and trust

another male in their life after being rejected (in their minds) by their natural father created its share of problems.  But no problem lasts forever.

 

    At no time did I ever let them know the usage of "step dad", or "the man my mom married" bothered me.  When the word 'step' itself is eliminated by the newcomer in the family (male or female) it makes the love easier to touch.  The kids lived with the knowledge of how I adored their mother - and chose to be a part of that love.  

And yes, I am a very lucky man!