“TURN NORTH AT THE FULL MOON”

or

Telling your child about death

 

 

 

     I write this because of one of my grandchildren - in hopes it might help someone else.

 

     Last night my granddaughter and I were sitting on the back patio, talking about nothing (as old people and young ones do).  She knows I have cancer and she shyly looked into my face and asked - "Grappa" (her name for me). - "When you die where will you go and will I know you are there?"

     I inquired as to the reason for this question and she replied that her mom (my daughter) told her I was dying, and Heaven was getting a place ready for me.

     BUNK!  And BUNK again!  I and my granddaughter just happened to be looking at the stars when she asked her question.  Being a natural cynic of things religious, plus somewhat of a smart-aleck about these things, I gave this answer.

      I gently turned her face up to the moon and told her the following:  "Honey, see that moon up there?  Well, when grandpa dies, that is where my journey begins.  I am going straight to that moon, then turning North until I hit the Milky Way.  I'll ride the Milky Way all the way to the end and then I'll shoot straight out of the solar system.  Picture a shooting star in the sky and that will be me, but I won't burn up like a regular shooting star - I'll just keep on going."

      She hugged  me tight and said - "Grappa, that's silly!  Are you going to Heaven?"

      I honestly do not know where we go after we end this life.  I do not accept the Christian belief of a Supreme Deity of Righteous Vengeance and Self-Appointed Forgiveness ability.  I held her hand and replied thusly:  "I believe each of us has a life force which will continue on after we die.  I believe that grandpa will be a mote of dust flying through the universe, listening to Neil Diamond (she knows I like Diamond) - a tiny bit of consciousness which continues on.  As long as you remember me I am not really dead.  I am alive in your mind, and all you have to do is use your memory to see me and hear me.  I believe that grandpa will be able to see you in some way, maybe not with eyes like we do now - but in some other way.  When you are troubled, or sad, or need me, all you have to do is think about me - and I will be inside the part of you which remembers me.  I do not think grandpa will be in Heaven, or Hell, because neither place interests me.  I think I will be happier exploring the stars as a tiny particle of consciousness."

      She took my hand in both of hers, leaned her head against my shoulder, and said,  "Grappa, I will always miss you - and I will always love you."  What higher accolade can a human have?

      She was quiet for a few moments, her face scrunched up in thought, then asked if I was afraid to die.  I replied that, "No, I was not.  When it is time for grandpa to die in this world, it is a part of the natural order.  It is not a time to be sad, or upset, but a time to accept that things end in this world and continue on in some way elsewhere."  I then told her I did not plan on dying any time soon - and this made her laugh.

      As we got up to go into the house - she teasingly said:  "Grappa, if you're not afraid, then dying's not so bad.  But when you do then I'll be watching for my own shooting star, and I'll know it's you watching over me."

      Now what more can I ask of life?  I have the love of a wonderful woman, great children and fantastic grandchildren - a few good friends, and an enemy or two.  I have over sixty-five years of living to think back on, and some time left ahead of me.  This is how it is meant to be.

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