"VALUES ARE GENERATIONAL"

 

 

     When my ancestors, on my father's side, came from Ireland - they came to build a dream.  They had a simple value system of work hard (Irish poverty forces this), be honest no matter what the price, stand up for beliefs even if it meant dying for them.  And they trusted the skill of their hands to build something.  Family was all important - a single unit of solidarity that faced the problems together.

 

    My father married a woman who birthed fourteen children.  He taught each of his children various skills to give them a better chance to 'make it' in the world.  He and my mother sacrificed in order to give their children the rudiments of an education.  They both insisted on manners (especially my mother), and stressed that politeness would open more doors than brawn.  My father was a hard taskmaster, no excuses allowed.  If the chores he had ordered were not done - he simply awakened us at night and we went out with a lantern to finish the chores (along with a fair amount of posterior persuasion to help our memory).

 

    We, of course, felt he was arbitrarily unfair.  No, we did not tell him this (idiots we were not).  When my father decided to buy more land and build a new house, he did not hire contractors - he simply drew up the plans, then we built the house.  And we built a beautiful house which still stands today.  We were raised to be responsible for our actions, to do our best, to tell the truth, to treat others fairly in all things.  Simple concepts, actually, but hard to do at times.

 

    I have five children.  I gave each of them the option of an advanced education.  I taught each of them skills to help them if they needed something to fall back on, etc.  I explained to them that my education came from hard work - working as a waiter, a bus boy, laborer, welder, to pay my way.  The same for their mother's education, it was earned and not given for free.  Of the five, three are doing pretty well - they took the lessons to heart.  One decided drugs was the answer - at first he felt it would make life easier for himself, then he decided to make some money at it.  When he was arrested for cocaine possession he called for help.  He is our son - so we gave.  His mother and I paid for a rehab program.  What did he learn from this rehab?  According to him, he learned from his counselors that it was our fault he got on drugs as he did not have a 'picture perfect' childhood.  His mother was heartbroken.

 

    Did the rehab work?  I hope so.  He is working now and doing it the old fashioned way. He claims he is not doing drugs anymore.  This took place some fourteen years ago and there have been no further problems brought to our attention.

 

    I have grandchildren who believe the world owes them a living, without having to work for it.  They are beautiful - and intelligent - and rather lazy.  They appear to feel beauty and intelligence are enough to get them by in the world.  Perhaps they are correct, time will tell.

 

    Now, I cannot build a house without hiring contractors.  I cannot do electrical wiring without getting fried - like my father could.  So many of the skills have been lost which used to be common everyday skills.  Factories scream for hard workers who will show up each day.  The skilled labor force is just not there anymore, nor is the pride in a job well done.

 

    Everyone wants to be rich, be famous, applauded for everything - each seeking that fifteen minutes of fame.  Get the money now while we're young.  Manners are set aside, public display of vulgarity is common.  Kids use the four letter word as casually as I say, "Hello".  Young people cannot imagine doing without, saving for a rainy day, earning the things they desire.  Kids still in high school have credit cards, drive new vehicles, and do so without a job - then wonder in amazement why the cars are repossessed and they have no credit. It is not the fault of the kids. It is the deliberate marketing of the companies who run the numbers.

 

    Did my wife and I fail to instill the values to our chidren?  Did/do our children fail in passing on those values to our grandchildren?  Did my father's lessons fail to materialize?  Or, has society as a whole passed beyond those things.

 

    Can a single parent family remain a bulwark against the constant onslaught of the media and economics?  Are values worth standing up for anymore - when you can be killed for wearing the wrong clothing?  Can the children step inside a broken home and retain values of trust, faith, and peaceful love?  I honestly do not know.

 

    I can say I am glad I am winding down my life.  I would not wish to be just starting out in this day and age.  My children come to visit the old man and express their love.  Our grandchildren arrive and stand around bored to tears (supposedly). They shyly touch my arm or shoulder, cautiously hug my neck. I see the love in their eyes, but the confidence to express it, to show it in their everyday relationships - is just not there.  Instead, I see a veiled fear whenever they are in a public place - the eyes constantly searching the crowd, ready to run or hide in an instant.  I see them staying close to their parents for unconscious protection when strangers brush against them.

 

    All kids are not this way, of course not - but the statistics show the majority of them are.  Did we go wrong as parents - all of us?  Will historians someday look back and attempt to explain the changing morays in a simple way?  
Lots of questions, but so few answers.